A Genuine "This Will be Our Year!"

Wow. Just... wow. Sometimes something comes along that is so incredibly wrong in every possible way that it's actually an achievement. I can't thank Matija enough, who not only found this epic screed, nominally about the Berbatov saga, by perennial WUM - for the benefit of the uninitiated, that is an acronym for wind-up merchant, which is basically 606-speak for "troll" - spurs_hart_lane, but presumably read the entire thing, which takes real perseverance. Because it is entirely tl;dr, below are just some choice quotes - and it's still a lot. This guy is gold.

"I don't know who United think they are, Spurs are getting bigger and will soon have a stadium to match Uniteds, as well as the global fan base."

- spurs_hart_lane

Who do they think they are? Only the most widely supported English club in the world. As for the stadium, it'll be 55,000 seats. Old Trafford has over 76,000. Evidently maths isn't among spurs_hart_lane's GCSE courses.

"United are just as bad as Real Madrid when trying to unsettle players."

- spurs_hart_lane

United may be many things, but nobody is as bad as Real. Alex Ferguson could eat babies and he'd still be better than Calderon and co.

"I just hope we will win the league to show you how much we are improving and how far we have come under Ramos."

- spurs_hart_lane

Keep wishing on that star, buddy.

"Looking at our unbelievable pre season form where we thrashed one of the best teams in Europe in Roma while playing some of the best attacking football that I have seen for some time."

- spurs_hart_lane

Did you thrash Roma? Did you thrash them 7-1? Oh no, wait. That was United. Nevermind. And if that was the best attacking football you've seen for some time, you haven't been watching Arsenal.

"Both Spurs and United will be challenging for the league title [...] we are your main rivals."

- spurs_hart_lane

What.

"[...] we have a better defence than you [United]."

- spurs_hart_lane

I can't even say anything. I can only laugh.

"Bent [...] is a scoring machine and worth every penny of his prices tag. He will score more goals that [sic] Rooney."

- spurs_hart_lane

Now, I don't like Rooney. I think he's violent, gobby and overrated. But that just takes the biscuit. Bent just ripped 'Boro to bits, didn't he?

"I believe last season we played better attacking football than you [United] but it was our defence that let us down."

- spurs_hart_lane

Yes, what a strikeforce you had! Shame one half's gone to Liverpool and the other's going to United. And your defense let you down? That's very true. That must also be why you haven't signed any defenders, then. Ramos = genius!

And wait, didn't you say your defense this season is better than United's? And now you're saying it cost you last season? Even though it's the exactly the same players? Oops.

"I can't wait till we start playing in the champions league, where we belong [...] We deserve to be playing in the champions league but I will be happy winning the UEFA cup this year."

- spurs_hart_lane

How can you "belong" in the Champions League, having never played there before? Neither philosophy nor English seem to have been on the ol' GCSE either. And good luck winning that UEFA cup. You know what they say about good luck coming in threes.

"We have a better team than Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool and just as good as United."

- spurs_hart_lane

Now, I don't want to hate Spurs fans, honestly. But this kind of drivel really makes me want to. You've even made me defend United. Honestly. Oh, and by the way, spurs_hart_lane, given that your article is 722 words long, yet has a reading age of around 12 (the internet is a wonderful resource), would it be safe to say that you are in no way familiar with the phrase "brevity is the soul of wit"?